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My New Life (Thus Far)

Please allow me to begin this blog by sharing with you the fact that the month of May is Brain Cancer Awareness Month. How fitting for me to be healing from brain surgery and preparing for radiation during this time. Perhaps it is some sort of sign.

Anyhow, today marks exactly four weeks post-op. I apologize for not being communicative to society as I continue to heal from this process. Actually, allow me to retract that last sentence. I do not apologize. You see, I easily could have just deleted that sentence, but I wanted to allow the reader to understand my personal perspective, as well as the ability for the reader to apply it to their own life. This idea relates to one of my most utilized self-practices that one should apply. “If you do not take care of yourself first, you will be useless to everyone else.” So you see, drink your coffee before you go out and see people, calm yourself and breath before you ask that pretty girl out on a date, and beat that brain cancer before you go out and serve the community you love so dearly.

That is most likely the maximum amount of advice I am going to be able to provide within this post. As you can see, I need to heal myself first – and so far, these past few weeks have not been an easy road to recovery. As I attempt to heal from this brain surgery, I am also averaging around two doctor’s appointments per week (perhaps more than that), sitting home since I am unable to work at the moment, and stressing about what the next 12 months of my life looks like. So as you can see, I need to take care of myself first. However, hopefully you are able to apply this post to yourself. Perhaps not cancer-related, but simply putting yourself first in order to then provide positive outcome to others.

I am hoping that I have experienced the worst of this three stage battle that began with brain surgery, followed by six weeks of daily radiation and chemo, and then finalized by 12 more months of chemotherapy. As you may remember, I have already experienced this 12 month chemotherapy treatment back in 2014-2015. I have done it once, and I will do it again. At this point in time, I have been putting full trust in the doctors, and I have relied on my fianceé, my family, and my friends to take care of me. I am not able to do this alone. As I have said in the past, despite the fact that this brain cancer resides in my brain, it is forced to battle against everyone who chooses to support me.

For over a year, I have provided blog posts within The Mindful Sight – trying to give suggestions to people who wake up in the morning and jump out of bed, stress throughout the day over a number of events, and then go to bed that night in order to replay that scenario the next day. I am unsure of how many tips I will be able to provide over this next year because of what I will be going through, but I will do my very best. This battle is a marathon, not a sprint.

I say all of these things, these battles I have to go through, and I am only 27 years old. But this cancer has to be battled, every single day, because of what I want to provide to this world. I want to make my parents proud and provide them with grandchildren someday. I want to be able to get back to work in order to help out the City of Gloucester that I love so much. I want to stay aside my friends who make me laugh and smile so consistently. But most of all, I want to (here come my tears) stay aside Leah – the girl that I want to grow old with. We still have so many things to accomplish. I need to make sure she has the wedding of her dreams, vacations that check off items on our to-do list, and have children that do not have my big nose, my stutter, nor any other negative features. To my future children – take all of your mother’s qualities and just take my last name. I love you Leah.

Good luck cancer, you’ll need it. Round 2, here we go.

Stay Mindful.

21 Comments

  1. Tracey Sousa Tracey Sousa

    Paul,
    You have the right attitude!
    Keep plugging away and i’ll Keep sending positive vibes. Best wishes for a speedy full recovery!
    Tracey Sousa

  2. Cassie Doyon Cassie Doyon

    You’re not alone in your battle. Please let me know if I can bring you to a doctor appointment or do anything, I’m willing to come and be there. I imagine that the hardest part is being at home and waiting to heal, waiting for the next step. I wish I had an answer for that. Just know that I keep you in my prayers every day and your outlook is such an inspiration; you are a true warrior, and your presence in the lives around you, all of our lives, is a tremendous gift.
    Love,
    Aunt Cassie

    • You hit the nail on the head saying that being home alone is one of the most difficult parts. I love you Aunt Cassie, so much. I will keep you updated on it all <3

  3. Kathleen Santuccio Kathleen Santuccio

    God bless and heal you Paul may God put his healing hand on you💗💗💗

  4. Diane Horne Diane Horne

    Paul the Horne Family is thinking of you and your family during this challenging time. We pray you beat this. You are truly an inspiration to us all. Thank you for your mindful thoughts!! Good luck!

  5. Val Gilman Val Gilman

    Paul you are such a fighter and an inspiration to us all. So happy to hear this update and your progress.

    If you ever need a ride to a treatment please call me. 9786214682.

    Val Gilman

    • Thank you so much Val! It seems as if all of Gloucester offers me help, rides, etc. Things like that inspire me to stay within this City long-term in order to repay this debt and give back to the community that I love so dearly. I will keep you updated along the way. I will never be able to thank you enough <3

  6. Jeanine M. Harris Jeanine M. Harris

    Paul your strength and courage is inspiring. I have Friday’s off from Mid May – September. If you need anything please call me – I can most certainly take you to appointments, etc.

    Don’t know if you dad told you …and I also relayed this to Holly…I have a friend who was diagnosed same cancer when he was 20. He had the same surgery – and chemo/radiation, etc. He is now in his 40’s with a child.

    It’s always too soon to quit!

    • Thank you so much Jeanine! I am hoping to live like that friend and beyond! You are so kind – people like you inspire me to keep fighting. Thank you a million times over. Have a great day!

  7. Ralph Martin Ralph Martin

    Inspiration!!!

  8. Dean Salah Dean Salah

    Paul whether on the ice beating opponents or fighting this much bigger and more important battle this city is in awe of your drive and positive attitude!! I wish nothing but the best for you and your entire family. Keep that pisitive attitude because it is so inspiring to see. Good luck as you continue on the road to your dreans with Leah. You got this my friend👍👍🙏🙏

    • Thank you my friend! Having this community behind me gives cancer such a small chance of being successful. Thank you so much for having my back – it means the world to me. Cheers!

  9. Albina Papows Albina Papows

    Way to go, Paul! You are an amazing human being with such a strong will and soft heart. I wish the best for you and Leah. God Bless and Take Care. ox
    Albina

  10. Donna Colarusso Donna Colarusso

    Wow, just wow, now I can breathe. Your words take this old ladies breath away and I am a slow reader! Where did all of this courage and positive thinking come from, when one is only 27?! When I was 27, I would have had the why me syndrome, but not you, as it seems to give you more strength to not only get better, but to also inspire others. You are just a remarkable young man with such a loving young lady by your side. Love to you both….keep writing and I along with many others will keep reading!

  11. Felicia Trupiano Felicia Trupiano

    Praying for a lifetime of happiness for you and your family. I know with your positive attitude, strength, and beliefs you can overcome this and do anything you put your mind to. Wishing you and Leah a lot of love and may you experience all that this world has to offer! You’ve got the right attitude to conquer this! XO Btw… I’m your cousin on your moms side. Just in case you have no idea who I am. Your in my prayers!🙏🏼😘

    • Thank you so much Felicia <3 Your support means so much. I need as much as I can get at this difficult point in my life. Hopefully talk to you soon cousin!

  12. Nan Nan

    Hi Paul,
    Thank you very much for sharing your journey and your inspirational advice with us. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
    Nan

  13. judy parisi judy parisi

    Your blogs are a inspiration to us all, you never disappoint. I bet you cannot imagine how many people who know (you & Leah) are praying for the best to come. I cannot imagine the hell you are going thru but just keep in mind that whenever you need my help, just give a shout. No one is in the world alone, God is always with us so never stop talking to him, he listens. Sometimes he might think we are stronger than we are but he really knows us so give it to him, let go & enjoy what we truly have and not dwell on the things or situations that we can’t control. True Love is all around you (Leah and your loving family) and I know this stressful journey will be productive and you will have the life that you truly deserve. Keep smiling!!! Love aunt judy

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